If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll fucking break you.

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."

Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.

The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity.

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T.


If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass. 90


Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction

Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode. 64

Mr. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods.

Mr. T and the rest of the "A-Team" were disqualified and kicked off the show "Junk Yard Wars" for violating the saftey rules and building a fully functional M1A1 Abram Main battle tank, when all they needed to build was a steam-powered catapult.

Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T, than you are to have feet.

The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle.

When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T is the original black Power Ranger.


Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger, and no parts jibba jabba.

Mr. T claims that the "T" stands for pain.


Mr. T was fired from his job as a weather man because his forecast was always 115% chance of pity, clearing late in the evening with a 99.9% of pain overnight. He was always right.

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture.

Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.

If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.

5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.


Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 11 in 10 that he pities you.

Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools.

Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.

Mr. T once won the Olympics in 1999.

Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count.

Mr. T once biked around North America, beating Lance Armstrong's Tour De France time by 3 and a half hours. When questioned about this amazing feat his only comment was "France is for fools!"

Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as hell would've been.

Mr. T’s Mohawk makes him more aerodynamically engineered to pity you.

Mr. T says that E-mail is a bunch of jibba jabba for suckahs and that he pities the fool who uses E-mail. What does Mr. T suggest? T-mail.

When God shuts a door and opens a window, Mr. T just kicks the door down, windows are for pussies.

Mr. T once pitied a third of Europe. This event is now known as The Black Death.